Everyone loves a great happy ending, right? Who likes to to be disappointed at the end of a movie? When I saw the first Lord of the Rings (and I hadn’t read the books), I was so disappointed. Gandalf the Grey was dead, the Dark Lord Sauron is gaining ground in recovering the Ring from Frodo, a huge battles ensues with orks against Merry, Pippin, Aragorn, Legalos, Glimli; Frodo & Sam continue on to destroy the Ring. Everything is a mess & I had no idea how it was going to get better. (Fortunately, I annoyed my brother & husband to tell me what happens in the next book). But I left the theater in December 2001 in great disappointment. I wanted some kind of conclusion – any part of the story to be happy.
Most people are like that. And that’s where it’s hard for me in my daily life. I had a massive reconstruction on my heart, diagnosed with sever liver damage. Through many months of healing, some of my health has improved. My relationships in my family have improved, my relationship with God is much deeper (He’s the ONLY One who has been through everything with me every day & night). I can drive again. I can pick up Jack, I can take the kids to the park or out to eat. I have improved some of my health through healthy cooking & eating, meticulously watching my sodium intake, abstaining from unhealthy foods & limiting activity.
But there’s not a happy ending I can tell people. Right now, the health of my heart is good — taking account what they had to work with; it’s good – I didn’t say normal. I have serious side effects: dizzy spells, nosebleeds, palpitations, etc. The surgery saved & extended my life – but in no way did it make me “normal.” The health of my liver is worsening. Severe damage, expecting it to deteriorate into cirrhosis or cancer. Both cases lead to failure & needing transplants in the future. The combination is rare, and the procedures are deadly.
So what do I tell people when I have two terminal diseases? Pray for my daily health & struggles, I have a fantastic family, home, church & many blessings. But there’s no happy ending to this story, on this earth. I will get much worse before I have a chance to get anywhere NEAR transplants. Much more deterioration, much more physical pain, and MUCH tougher surgery to pull through. My only Hope is Christ alone.