Living with my CHD, I struggle daily. On my days I feel worse physically, more fatigue or having more stomach problems, I have to fight depression. Sometimes overwhelming sadness comes out of nowhere and I can’t control the tears. Once it starts, I can’t mask my feelings. I really hate that I can’t hide it, because so many people kind of look at me with that “huh?” look. Like, they know I feel horrible, and they feel burdened for me, but they can’t think of something to say to help me.

Maybe I am too hard on people or too much of a burden on family & friends. But this is such a difficult journey. I feel like Frodo carrying the ring halfway across the world. I would like to have one day I can forget that I am terminally ill, that without 2 new compatible organs, I am slowly dying. Without this miracle, Joel will be a widower and Chloe & Jack will lose their 2nd mother.

I feel like wherever I go, I pull people down. I want to encourage and uplift people. And maybe I do, but for today, it’s just not happening.

3 thoughts on “Huh?

  1. Steph,
    Life is a journey. A few days of that journey you will reach the mountain top, where you can take on the world. But the mountain top is only reached after days, weeks, months, and years of trudging through the valleys, forests, and rocks.

    During these hard times of working through the journey, keep your eye on the goal. There will be distractions, pains, interruptions, but keep pressing on.

    None of us are promised tomorrow, just do right today. When you cannot go anymore, allow God to carry you through. “For when I am weak, then HE is strong.” Take comfort, my Friend, on this Thanksgiving Day! Count those blessings and enjoy the time with your family and friends.

    Love ya, Steph, and praying for you! Happy Thanksgiving!

  2. Stephanie I love you and you are an inspiration to me. I don’t know what God’s plan is for your life but my mom always said take one day at a time. Or just take one hour a time. I will continue to pray for you as you go on with your difficult journey. IF you ever want to talk I am here to listen. love you, Adina

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